


To Think Is To Know

by Motionallyperpetual



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Age Regression, Other, SFW DDLB, sfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 16:11:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Motionallyperpetual/pseuds/Motionallyperpetual
Summary: It has been eight years, and yet, somehow, Dan has managed to stop himself from telling his best friend about his strange secret. It isn't unusual, to want to tell your best friend what's bugging you, but for some reason Dan just can't spit it out. He's tried, really, but in the end it's just too embarrassing. Besides, he doesn't fully understand it himself, so what's the point? // Tagged: SFW age regression. 2017/18 d&p





	1. One

It has been eight years, and yet, _somehow_ , Dan has managed to stop himself from telling his best friend about his strange secret. It isn't unusual, to want to tell your best friend what's bugging you, but for some reason Dan just can't spit it out. He's tried, really, but in the end it's just too embarrassing. Besides, he doesn't fully understand it _himself_ , so what's the point? Dan sighed to himself, sat in the sofa crease with his laptop open on the tumblr home screen, but he wasn't really looking at it. Instead, he was thinking about that strange place he sometimes went inside his head when he got too stressed or when he and Phil argued. He didn't really understand it - all he really knew is that when it happens, he locks himself in his room to snuggle up in blankets on his bed, but not before slipping on his _Winnie the Pooh_   onesie  and dragging  the Pooh stuffed animal given to him by a fan while on tour. Most times, he fell asleep like that, waking up hours later to find his thumb tucked into his mouth _like a goddamn toddler_ and feeling slightly hungover, despite not drinking. Imagine if Phil found him like that, _oh god_ , he'd probably think Dan needed to be admitted to the mental ward. Dan shivered at the thought.

"You cold, Dan?" Phil frowned, throwing a glance  up from his computer screen, which was also on tumblr, judging by the reflection in his glasses. "You can have this blanket, I'm not using it," Phil supplied, gesturing back to the pale blue blanket that hung lazily off the back of the chair he sat in. "No, I'm fine," Dan murmured, scrolling down on his feed for emphasis.  He really just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Phil deepened  his frown, but went back to browsing. _Maybe he'll come to me later about it,_ Phil thought. Normally, yes, that _would_ likely be the case. But Phil wasn't stupid. He  noticed when Dan would get like _this,_ and it was different from his otherwise normal stresses he would spill to him in the late hours of the night. No, when Dan's eyes glazed over with a far away look in his eye, and he withdrew from any sort of interaction, not even bothering act normal? Phil knew that it was _that_   _something_ that Dan never talked to Phil about,  not in the eight years they have shared the same space. Phil wanted to pull it out of him, wanted to make it better, but he feared  that it may make whatever _it_ is worse, after the time he asked Dan if he had taken some sort of drug, and Dan proceeded to lock himself in his room until the next day. _No_ , Phil supposed, _it will have to be on his own terms._ Phil watched from the top of his glasses as Dan got up from the sofa and shuffled into his  room, closing the door with a soft _click_ noise as  he locked it. Phil  _really_ wanted to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

Dan _really_ wanted to get to the bottom of this. It's tiring, going around in circles but never closing in on the issue. He sat on his bed, legs crossed with his laptop rested neatly on top of them. He opened a new tab, but stared blankly at the screen. What was he supposed to put in when he couldn't articulate exactly what it was? He knew that whenever he  got into that head space, he liked to feel warm, safe, and well, small. _That sounds absurd_ , Dan thought to himself, A twenty six year old  man who has to duck to enter the tube, likes to feel small. _Absolutely absurd,_ Dan thought as he typed into the search bar. 'I like to feel small," hitting the enter key, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. Dan frowned as he scrolled, the most related websites being about women and sexual desires mixed with astronomy fact sites. _Something synonymous of small_ , Dan pondered, left hand tapping lightly on his laptop. _Little?_ Dan's brain supplied, which made some sort of weird sense. _Winnie the Pooh_ is, after all, a kids show, and sucking on his thumb is something little children do. Dan typed, _'I like to feel little_ ,' into the search bar, metaphorically crossing his fingers. After fifteen minutes of scrolling and skimming through what google supplied, Dan sighed, slumping forward. _Am I really the only person who has ever felt like this,_ Dan asked himself dejectedly, switching back to the tumblr tab.

It was honestly a long shot, and yet a little embarrassing Dan didn't think of it any sooner, but an entire twenty minutes had passed before Dan shot up from his slumped position, his back straight with tension. _Of course,_ Dan groaned to himself, navigating to the search bar in the tumblr webpage. He relates to the people of tumblr more than anyone else, aside from Phil, so why not search there, he reasoned. _'feeling  little_ ,' Dan typed quickly into the search bar, slamming the enter key,  as if not looking at the sentence would change something. As the page loaded, Dan's eyes widened, as if making his eyes bigger would help him take everything in. _'Little space, baby girl, baby boy, paci,_ ' and oh god, _'daddy.'_ Dan was not sure of what to make of this; a part of him wanted to scream _pedophilia_   but as he scrolled, he decided he _liked_   this, what, kink? Lifestyle? _Headspace,_ Dan decided. This doesn't seem to be pedophilia, Dan thought, as he scrolled through the search results. Which, to be quite honest, relieved the hell out of Dan. He is _not_ some sort of pedophile, thank you very much. 

Dan was so absorbed, in fact, he almost missed the knock at his door, and definitely did not realize that two hours had passed. " _Dan_ ," said Phil, his voice carrying a worried tone, _"I've made dinner!"_ There was a pause, " _Okay, well, I ordered dinner!"_ Dan blinked, setting the laptop off to the side, getting up to open the door. As soon as he turned the lock of the door, it swung open, and Dan was presented with  a slightly worried Phil, who wore a small, closed mouth smile on his face. "It's on the living room table," Phil continued, jerking his thumb behind him.  Dan nodded, turning to close his door behind him, giving Phil the opportunity to sneak a glance into his room. Phil squinted, as even with his glasses he had some trouble with distances, to see Dan's laptop screen. _Tumblr_ , he noted, _and is that a.. dummy?_ Phil blinked, more than a little confused. Dan shut the door, shuffling lazily past Phil into the living room. _It's probably nothing,_ Phil vacillated, making his way to the living room as well.


	2. two

"I ordered Domino's," Phil rambled as he put a couple of slices on each plate, "And I know we didn't decide but I just put in Death Note, I figured it's too good to watch only once." Phil passed Dan his plate before plopping down right next to him. Both of them were slumped forward, plates on lap facing the television. "That's fine, thanks," Dan murmured, lifting a slice to his mouth. Truth be told, Dan was grateful. His mind was too preoccupied to even think about making food, and he didn't think he could concentrate on a new anime if he tried. His mind was still trying to piece everything together. Apparently, "little" was more than describing someone in a physical sense - little could be describing someone in a temporary emotional sense. It's a feeling. So.. Dan is a little. At least, he knows he feels little, sometimes. Maybe he was just googling  the wrong things, and he isn't alone in this, judging by the extensive results from his tumblr search. Dan itched to get back to his room,  so ate his pizza a little bit faster. Dan glanced at Phil for a moment - he seemed to be focused entirely on watching the anime, halfway done with his second slice and oblivious of Dan's internal conflict. As Dan finished his pizza he jumped up,  leaving quickly to put his plate in the sink. "Where's the fire?" Phil  queried as he returned, slightly raising his eyebrows. Dan stopped, as if someone had frozen time, then turned toward Phil, "I....I don't feel well," he stuttered,  closing the distance to his bedroom. Phil stared after him until the door shut and he heard the familiar _click_ of the lock, which for some reason sounded twice as loud to him than before. Phil closed his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose. He finally had some understanding to the phrase, "as patient as a saint," because he definitely felt that patience being tested. _He'll come around,_ Phil reminded himself, as he got  up to clean off the living room table. _Hopefully._

* * *

 

 Dan could not help but to ignore that nagging voice in the back of his head, that _maybe this isn't such a good idea right now_ , because he was curious and wanted to know _right now_ that he was not alone. Sure, since he met Phil he was not alone for the first time in his life and _thank god_ for Phil, but he could not go to him for this. And perhaps he's become a bit spoiled in the regard of always having Phil, because the more he thinks about being _little,_ the more he feels isolated and the worse he feels. So yes, he had to wrap himself in his monochromic duvet and hunch over his laptop _right now_ and scour tumblr. But when _right now_ turned into _four hours_ , Dan did not actually think much of it. Until, of course, Phil was knocking at his door. Which would have been fine in another circumstance, but when the current read something like, _a twenty-six year old man who has been acting strange around his housemate and, coincidentally, bestfriend continually locks himself in his room for long periods of time has regressed to a little boy when he wants to talk to him, well,_ perhaps that nagging voice was correct.   
  
  
Dan looked up from his computer, duvet loosely over his head, and stared at his door. Blinking in rapid succession, his mind warred with itself. _Snap out of it! You can't do this right now!_ Tears welled up in his eyes. He just wanted to be little. Why couldn't he be little? _Phil will hate you_ , a part of his mind supplied, hoping the harsh reality would reign in his childish desires. The tears that gathered in his eyes spilled over, lip quivering almost comically. Except, it was not comical _at all._ Surely Phil doesn't hate him, right? _Right?_ Dan whimpered as Phil continued knocking on his door. "Dan? Are you alright? Are you.. crying? Dan! _Please_ answer me," Phil pleaded, jiggling the doorknob almost frantically. Dan tightened his duvet around him, folding into himself as he sniffled, unable to find his voice. His throat felt thick and his chest tight. _I just want it to be better._  
  
Lost in his own head, Dan didn't hear the long pause in Phil's struggles. He didn't hear Phil clumsily run across the house and back. And he certainly didn't hear the _click_ of a key unlocking his door. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shitty, I apologize.


End file.
